frustration

I hope that one day I can be known for something. I'm not after the money at all. I just want friends. I want to figure out what life is, and most especially through music. Every time I hear a song, I just want to play it. I just want to teach it. I just want to talk to someone about it. And there. It frustrates me that life is like this.

But anyway! Off to happier things, Christmas is just around the corner! I can't wait to learn new songs. I'm in love with love, I swear! I just really hope that I could share this with the world. Sometimes, I think I'm the most selfish person in the world, that's why I want to change and share everything.

Please help me. Anyone, make me a great piano tutor!

Okay, I'm genuinely happy right now. :)

sadness

It is SO HARD to be a piano tutor sometimes. :(

Fantaisie Impromptu by Chopin

More vids. Better camera. Soon.

This is my YouTube account, but I plan to switch soon when I have a better camera. The audio's quite bad but I hope it's still okay.

Why is that the more "good" I thought I was becoming, the more I was hated?

On a happier note, I'm going to start posting vids in the next few entries. :)

I keep on wondering how come there's just some things in life in which you do something, the more you fail. I mean you can choose not to do anything, then you'd fail too, but if you choose to spend all your time on that thing, then you're actually failing more too. It's a lose-lose situation. I can count all the ways life's unfair, really. Sometimes I choose to, sometimes I don't. But that's a sad reality. Life IS unfair, and there's nothing we can do about it. If life were always fair, would there be excitement anyway?

My philosophy professor told me that it's better to be extremely good or extremely evil. I mean you have to choose one side. You can't be neutral. Well you can, but he's saying that sucks. I guess I want to be extremely good as that's what's expected of everyone, but on the other hand, without evil, life is simply too boring. Why?? As we go along, I'll guess I'll figure it out someday.

My marketing teacher told me sometimes, talent plays a big factor in things. Sometimes, people would practice all day over something, but if they've got no talent, nothing's gonna happen. I'll try to live these words by. I have talent. I've gotta use it. Somehow I have purpose.

I hate this feeling. I constantly think I'm a failure even if majority thinks I'm not. It's all because of one person, one person who thinks otherwise. But that person is someone I could never hate. I don't know why. I don't want to call this love even if I really want to. I don't want to think this is infatuation either. Actually I don't believe in psych, in pheromones, in whatever biological mumbo-jumbo you could conjure up to justify the meaning for feelings. It's just that I'm sure of what I feel, and no matter how sad I really am, I just don't care. It's not like I'll die if the person never changes her mind.

Anyway! Whenever I'm sad, I turn to my keyboard. Yes, my piano is still broken. I plan to save for a new one soon, though. I just love using my fingers to create endless melodies that someday I wish the world would hear. I think some dreams can come true, and this would be one of them. I feel it. If there's one thing I'm known for, it's believing. And as my life continues I'll continue to embrace whatever it is (fate or destiny or whatever) that would come my way. Happiness and sadness- it's always a choice.

Ok, let me get this straight. My real name would be hidden for very reasonable purposes, I swear. But anyway, I'm 21 and I seem to still be a teenager who's messed up with life. Actually, that's the truth. I still am! However, I've blogged since I was 12 years old, so I guess I'm not that embarrassed right now to share what seems to be useless stuff. After all, I'm a piano tutor.

Apart from that life, I'd also like to use this blog to share my most intimate (or maybe not so intimate) thoughts and feelings. I have too much angst in me, but I can't bottle it up inside me forever, thus the blogging. So that's just a short recap of what I'm like!


Anyway, here's a short glimpse of my stupid day today. Sometimes I just can't stand people. I hate the way I think, but I guess nobody can really blame someone for the way they think. Maybe that's just the way it is? Sometimes I'm introduced to people, or I'm immersed into a set of new people, and by the way they talk, to me they're automatically dumbfucks. I swear! I don't know what's wrong with me. Is it that notion that I think I'm better than everybody else? However, I try not to think so badly. It's just that sometimes, I'm with this guy I've known for seven years, and he doesn't do anything but brag. Every chance he gets, he seems to be bragging, and he is! I have no idea if he doesn't know he's bragging with that great brain on him, but it's just so annoying. Sometimes I just want to be invisible to these people, but I can't because I work with them. I don't know if others think this of me, but definitely I don't want them to, so most of the time, silence is my friend. But really, I'm a very friendly guy!

Anyway, that's enough ranting for now. I am a happy person. That's the way it should be!

Ok, random story! I saw my best friend whom I haven't seen in ages!! He's the best guy in the world! Haha just sharing the excitement! :)) Real entry next time.